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Medicated State Of Mind
02 November 2016 @ 12:44 am
This my first entry as a 31 year old adult addicted to pain medication and alcohol and also great things like work ect.. I have an addictive personality period. I suppose this will be my outlet day to day as I live. I've been using this probably before that motherfucker who created Facebook was using this so I figure why not go back. It's more convenient to type out my feelings or thoughts than to write that shit down so here I am. I just called out of work today because my stomach felt fucked up because I drink and take pills too much. Tomorrow will be my first day back to work with no prescription pills at all. Work is way smoother and nice on medication obviously. I've done this before but not for a long period of time which I'm going to have to do for the next 2-3 weeks as all medication has ran out. I also drink every single night after work. I don't get wasted drunk or anything, just enough to relax as I find being sober sucks ass.. I am pledging to myself to change my ways and here will be my outlet day to day. So be it. I suppose I want this documented as I start to TRY and change my life around. My job and my Mother are the best things in my life at the moment and I could destroy either relationship easily if I continue living this way. The trial starts here.
Medicated State Of Mind
Another year older and what in the fuckkkkk!!! The years are flying...Im havin an early mid life crisis over here. Its to the point where im like...Fuck a career, school ect, lets just go have fun and see things and experience more wild shit.. Thats pretty much where Im at right now.. Like the whole stress of making a bunch of money isnt that important anymore...But just to make enough to survive and then go have fun with it. I don thave kids or a steady girlfriend so I have no reason to settle..Lets get it in!!
Medicated State Of Mind
19 March 2010 @ 03:08 am

Thats my fuckin song for the week.
Medicated State Of Mind
14 March 2010 @ 10:48 pm
True story. Cuz all my hoes come with combo meals, would you like thighs wit that???
Medicated State Of Mind
28 February 2010 @ 11:21 pm
Tomorrow is the motherfucking day. Supposedly.. hahaha.. Let the fuckin drama begin. Or actually, let the, EXTENDED, drama begin. The real drama. I have a feeling its gonna be a long couple months of bullshit.. Other than that, nothing exciting going on the last couple days. Just avoiding the crazy chick I work with. She txt messaged me today, saying "My uncle been checking my blood pressure everyday an says I might be diabetic ect ect ect".. And in my head Im like, I dont give a shit, fuckin attention whore. So I just wrote back with "Being diabetic is a really good diet." and that was it...I thought it was funny.. Shes a diet freak, so I thought it was fuckin awesome response. Tuesday Im going with a friend to Pamona for some import car thing. Which he said he was drivng, then informed me today that Im driving cuz he didnt pay his registration on time. Which in turn, made me wanna just not go but I feel bad for his bitch ass cuz he just got broke up with his girlfriend. And I just wanna say on his behalf, is a blessing in disguise cuz shes a cunt. And not even good looking enough to be a cunt. Thats it man!!!!!! how fuckin exciting!!!!!
Boombox: Eminem - Re up
Medicated State Of Mind
23 February 2010 @ 01:51 am
So I woke up and went to the court house for that whack ass fix it ticket, got an extention for it, which I had to wait 2 hours for. Because I had already got a 3 months extention on it previously so I had to actually see the judge to get more time, cause I procastinate like a motherfucker. So thats all good, but then...we chillen in the court room, and this old fat guy's name gets called to go up there an he falls onto the ground on some "ive fallen n cant get up" shit and makin crazy noises and why was I the only one laughing??? That shit was hilarious...Youtube worthy like a motherfucker!
After that I goto Walmart and pick up some shit I needed, shaving cream, deoderant, ect, everything that add to my massive extreme sex appeal, you know how it is...hahaha...Then hit the shoe store and buy some nice new work shoes..The new Rob Dydrek DCs, or however his name is spelled..They're black so that was the main reason for choosing those exact shoes, hopefully easier to not get dirty and clean off and stay decent looking.

Then I get a call from the College that Im tryin' to goto in Palm Springs, for the Pharmacy Tech. shit, and this real nice lady schedules me in for an appointment on Wednesday for 12:30pm. Which my future baby mama is going to take to. So Im gonna do some more research on the whole job and program to make sure everything is good before I fully commit. But this is a giant step to getting things together regardless.. And then we're gonna goto her best friends house in Hemet for a couple hours. Should be a good day that we get to spend together. Tonight was great for us. Can't fully explain why but I can just feel that things are getting better and better for us. The communication and affection towards each other are increasing very fast. And being comfortable with one another is also there, which is a big factor to being with someone to me...

Besides all that, everything is cool right now. I feel like shit is in order and playing out great. Life is getting way better..Its amazing how much someone else can do for you and vice versa when you two are combined..and thats how it should be, in a relationship that is. Sometimes it takes a person to give you that motivation or extra push to do things, although most people can do it themselves, but I think we all do it for someone or for some reason other than ourselves..Just a thought.
Boombox: Three Six Mafia - Like Money
Medicated State Of Mind
22 February 2010 @ 03:47 am
Wowww..There are absolutely like no fuckin communities on Livejournal anymore...none active anyway...no music, no design, no nothin.. how fuckin boring...
Medicated State Of Mind
22 February 2010 @ 01:55 am
So I been workin my ass off the last month..Like a lil too much work on top of juggling everything else that Im messing with in my life. Definately hittin me. My stamina has shot way down as far as just being able to stay on the go. Maybe its getting older? Maybe its just im not that healthy or somethin? When I was 19-23 I worked 60 hour weeks plus staying out all night drinking and partying ect, and maintaining that 6 days a week 12 hour shift shit, for years. Now its like I do 6 days of about 8 hours a a day and Im dyin, like give me a break!!! And its my decision to work 6 days, cuz I want the extra money so it isnt anybodies fault. I think I just need to get my body, mostly inside, in better condition, maybe vitamins and eating correctly or something. I eat fast food every night cause its mad convenient, but mad unhealthy. My physical condition is straight, could be a lil better but I think its mostly internal. And I dont work out anymore so the stamina is lower than it ever has been. And the sleeping schedule is rediculously fucked, for example I was so tired I went to sleep at 9pm tonight and my body decided I should be awake at 12am and not be able to go back to sleep , so here I am. On top of that, I have to goto court for a stupid ass fix it ticket on my car..Which I dont even believe is a legal fix it ticket at all..So thats about 8am..then I have to do some other shit that I really dont even remember at the moment but I know there somethin else I gotta do this morning..then maybe cetch a couple hours of sleep before I goto work, if Im lucky. God if I had kids my life would be chaos!!!!

My poor car is in the worse condition its ever seen. I let a friend barrow it one night, and literally 5 minutes later he calls me and tells me something happened, so Im like, get your ass to my house right now and let me see, and someone back the fuck into my front end and destroyed it. And my car was fuckin beautiful. So ofcourse insurence, being the cheap pricks they are, decided they aint payin for shit cause I wasnt the driver and no cops were called ect. But the ppl who backed into my car did give me 500 cash which was very surprising. So I did order most of the parts. I still need the front bumper. Ofcourse I bought all aftermarket parts, cuz shit, if Im gonna replace shit It might as well look dope. So its all a lil more expensive than it would had been if it was all stock replacement,but it should look awesome when its all complete. My exhaust catback is fucked cause my car is lowered and I ran over some crazy shit last month so I gotta get that repaired, cuz right now it sounds like a mothafuckin dune buggy..Which is embarassing when Im rollin around in a Civic that LOOKS suped up but sounds like that..Need to replace the spark plugs and wires ect. Car maintenence is a pain in the ass. But the plan is...Im gonna pay off all my maxed out credit cards with all this extra money I been getting, and pay a lil more on my car that I have now, and go down and finance another car, which is going to be an Infiniti G35, which are fuckin beautiful and fast and luxury all in one. Not brand new, but somethin around like a 2007 with low miles, runs about 20K, which really isnt that bad at all for one of those cars. Im a car fanatic, its just in my blood. But I think Ill be fully content with one of those cars for awhile..Plus look like a complete baller pimp daddy.

Annnd..Ive signed up for this Pharmacy Tech. program which I hope to start in August. Very short term school and they find you a job IMMEDIATELY after which is fuckin awesome. And I know this cause I was talkin to a girl who went to the same school Im gonna goto for the same thing and she said its been great. So there it is, thats my plan for a short term career to make some extra cash until I figure out what I really would like to do for the rest of my life. It sounds interesting enough to keep my attention for awhile. The problem for me isn't the work, or the grades in school, its just actually doing it and completing it. But I got a lil extra motivation.

Also, I find myself, everyday that I can't talk to this girl because of certain circumstances, that its all gonna backfire in my face and goto shit. Im paranoid as fuck about that. Its like Im just waiting for the "talk" and then the bad news. Atleast Im prepared for it, if it was to happen. Which it has happened early on when we were talking, but that only lasted a day. She told me she just cant do it, cant stop talking to me and that Im like a drug that shes addicted to and all this shit. I knew in the back of my head she was full of shit and wasn't gonna stop talking to me but it still pissed me off at the moment. Shes found a place to move into next week. And everything should go with the flow nicely besides the crazy ex husband drama that Im expecting. And the fact he knows exactly who I am and where I work is kinda shitty..But I asked my boss's advice on the situation, if he was to show up at work and pull some shit,and my boss was like...If you gotta ever beat his ass, do it at work on camera and Ill have your back, hahaha.. Because technically, him coming to MY place of work, is HIS intention to cause problems, not mine, so it will be on him and not me. And I will beat the shit outa this lil guy, and im not a tough guy or anything but I just dont tolerate that shit and I been thru too much shit and been around too many crazy motherfuckers to put up with that shit. My life is very drama free and havent had any problems in awhile but I can jump right back into 4 years ago and go crazy on a faggot.

Ive also thought about jumping back into some Web & Graphic design, after speaking to Keith (b0ren if anyone remembers), he seems to be doin quite well with that shit as a side business and I think I can do the same. Plus it was fun as fuck. Creating is always fun shit..So we'll see. Id like to get a semi-good digital camera first, nothin CRAZY expensive but something along the middle. Got any suggestions Steph?

Thats my rant and update..it is what it is!
California: At yo mama house
Mindstate: awakeawake
Boombox: Trae - Rock N Roll
Medicated State Of Mind
16 February 2010 @ 03:28 am
2 weeks...and the divorce is official...I can't believe it's actually happening. I never wanted someone so fuckin bad in my life. Been about 2 months now. I will wifey this girl..Everything is on point. And the weird shit is, I didnt have to play any games with this girl, no bullshit. Usually I do the dickhead routine, blow em off, act like I dont care, be hot and cold until they go crazy trying to figure out why the fuck I wont fully commit to them. But this one, I just been straight up from the jump..Sometimes I feel a lil weird being so forward with her about how I feel like Im letting her in too much. I always lived by the code of playing those little games to have the chick crazy about you since I became single again, but for some reason, she makes me act like a fuckin sweetheart. I tell her shit that girls usually tell me type shit.. Its very fuckin awkward, and sometimes I feel like its karma and shes gonna fuck me over because it feels like the script is flipped on me and now Im the one with so many feelings for someone I cant control. I need her. I know shes good for me, probably way too good for me. Fuckin beautiful, works 2 jobs, goes to school, drives a 25 thousand dollar car, just a really good head on her shoulders. Why she fuckin with someone like me?? I have no idea. It is what it is though. She makes me want to be a better person and really get my shit together more. Yeah this whole entry is about this girl..And hopefully ima look back and be like, damn, Im still with her and we're happy as fuck and this was the moment I knew she was gonna be the one. Thats that shit right there!!
Mindstate: crazycrazy
Boombox: Nipsey Hussle Ft. Southside Po - Been Around
Medicated State Of Mind
10 February 2010 @ 06:06 pm
Holy christ fuck does anyone use this shit anymore besides Stephanie?!?
Looking through all the old entries...I can't believe I don't talk to some of those people anymore..where the fuck are you at?!? Christi, Keith, Brooklyn, Rafael, I random txt Brandy so I know shes alive atleast..Hit me up on AIM : Drankaholic or email: crookedcali@gmail.com .. or fuckin TXT or somethiN!! 760 408 8388!!!

Anyway...Life has been interesting.. I went from working at a great job with a future and going to college to selling pounds of weed for 6 months to working at a bullshit job where Im currently at. Breaking up a 3 year relationship, to dating 19 year old bitches and fucking with married women. What the fuck is goin on!?! Im in a complete backflip..By now I should be set, but Im still "starting over" so its ok. Im currently addicted to vicodin and narcos and any prescription drug that will fuck you up basically...but I dont drink anymore! Everyday is pretty much a blur and then I wake up and do it all over again. Im definately not together, not as together as it appears to be on the outside. And I honestly do not give a fuck, someting will pull together it always does. Just crusing in 5th gear baby!! I will say it was very interesting looking back on all the old entries, I guess thats what journals or "diaries" are for?? It was kinda cool as fuck..Besides the embarassing ones where I was trippen out over somethin I never even met before...whatever man. Suck it eazy!
Mindstate: curiouscurious
Boombox: Joe Budden ft. Janet Jackson - Vevlet Rope